HOW A lOVE aFFAIR with your favorite CITY is similar to romantic LOVE
I recently fell in love with Venice, Italy. It is one of the most visually stunning and uniquely designed cities in the world. The architecture. The canals. The people. The cuisine. Sadly, I was told the Venetian way of life is a dying. If you stay in Venice long enough you can start to see the signs of the slow decline of a once vibrant, authentic culture. Nevertheless, the spirit of the city remains. The stories remain. The beauty remains. The spark remains. And the locals are just as in love with their city as the tourists visiting for the first time.
Many of us have had a soul-touching love affair with our favorite city. We feel butterflies in our stomach when the plane touches down. Everything feels shiny, magical, new, and nostalgic. We try to take in everything single moment and experience. We look up, look around, and tend to appreciate our surroundings more than in our hometown. It’s almost as if our eyes turn into rose colored magnifying glasses. Everything the light touches comes to life. We immerse ourselves in the stories of the culture and the architecture. Objects like lamp posts and doors take on new life. Even the birds seem more unique and fascinating.
Imagine moving to your favorite vacation destination? Would your perception of the city change? How long would it take before the magic, which once awakened ALL of your senses becomes familiar, or perhaps underwhelming? Maybe there’s a weird smell in the air you didn’t notice before when you were only a visitor. You might notice infrastructure issues or uncomfortable cultural differences. Perhaps you begin comparing the city to your hometown, knowing they’re incomparable.
The love affair we have with our favorite city is very similar to romantic love. When we fall for someone, our bodies awaken. Our hearts and minds burn with passion and our eyes emanate desire. We notice all the beautiful things about the person that holds our affection. We find it easier to be present with them. We immerse ourselves in their world. We are anxious to know every detail about them. We thoughtfully listen to their stories. When we experience commonality and chemistry with this person, it’s as if our wildest dreams are coming to life. Often, rather than allowing this initial spark to fuel a greater, slow-burning fire of passionate love, we might allow the first signs of conflict or disagreement to extinguish the flame. We might begin comparing what cannot be compared, and we become afraid that the magical qualities that drew us to that person no longer have power.
I’ve heard love described as “friendship on fire”. Just as your platonic friendships grow and maintain joy, our romantic relationships should be no different. Just as we can visit our favorite cities over and over and repeatedly fall in love with their beauty, our love for a partner can be sustained similarly. However, as we’ve heard many times, we must CHOOSE to love passionately and fiercely. We must CHOOSE to see the beauty and heart of our partner first, amidst imperfections, maladaptive behaviors, and life stressors. We must remember that the forces which ignited our love remain and will always remain. Unless we choose to disengage. Unless we are being harmed or causing someone harm, the magic of love is always sustainable. LOVE will burn bright forever, if we remember that loving our partner means loving ALL of them, the magic inside and out, their entire being, the overwhelming beauty of their soul, their stories, the history they bring with them, their scars, and the inevitable changes they will undergo.
LOVE does not fade. It evolves, adapts, and endures with time.